Queing in a shop after work I heard a shop assistant casually say to her work colleague *please ‘hear’ this in a chavvy voice* “Oh My God, I’ve Put On A Pound, I’m Like Totally Depressed” I actually had to leave the shop before I lamped her. Not only because she was a skinny, blonde stick but because today I am fully in the grip of one of my black days.
The pic I’ve posted in this blog is my Depression Demon Dianna (some nice alliteration there), she appeard in a dream a few weeks back and thereafter I realised that she is the metaphorical manifestation of my depressed side.
I wondered to myself if said shop girl is truly depressed in which case she has my full and utter sympathy and I applaud her for being so open about it to her friend.
Sadly I fear through the casual use of the term ‘depressed’ she wasn’t. I wondered to myself was she like me struggling every minute of the day with the cold hand gripping her chest? Did she stare at herself in the mirrors picking apart every single thing she detested about herself? Did she sit at her desk at work gazing at all the normal people around her wondering “how did I get here?”. Did she wander aimlessly around the town centre after work because despite a house full of loved ones and a best friend on the end of BBM she couldn’t face returning to said home and sitting in her room staring at the walls.
Did she lock herself in the newly refurbished Arndale Centre toilets cutting her arm because of the guilt of the terrible, selfish, black-hearted person that she has become and try to punish herself for it? Does she tear herself up inside all day, everyday cursing herself for ruining the lives of those closest to her?
On the other side she of course may not be lucky enough to have the ‘buzz’ days that I do when even though I may be black inside I have this amazing energy to almost run around the office, and talk and laugh uncontrollably at my own private jokes that no-one of my colleagues gets.
Of course if this poor girl genuinely is depressed then I really hope for her sakes that she has a wonderful a family and best friend as me, because let’s be frank if it wasn’t for them I would be dead.
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