It’s 10 to midnight, I should have been asleep a long time ago as in a few short hours my alarm will be going off for me to drag my backside into work.

All I can think about is how the hell I’m gonna cope at the wedding of two friends in a couple of weeks time. Socialising terrifies me unless it’s with Helen or Emma and neither of them know Lou or Sam so they won’t be there and my invite doesn’t include a ‘plus one’ so dragging them for moral support isn’t an option.

The worst of it is that I’m invited to the ceremony as well as the evening bit. If it had been just the evening it would have been marginally better as my parents are invited to that due to us having know Sam and his family for years (in fact it was because of me that Sam and Lou got together).

The problem is that if I cry sick on this one then I can kiss my friendships with pretty much everyone goodbye. This would probably be the ultimate betrayal which I can understand, I’d be incredibly pissed of with a friend who couldn’t pull herself together for the most important day of my life.

But just laying here I can’t breathe, I’m sweating and my thoughts are whirling. I’m trying to work out how I’ll be able to sneak off and cut should I need to. I’m wondering if the answer would just be to get completely shitfaced so I don’t remember anything but then of course I run the risk of ruining Lou’s day and I could never forgive myself if that happened.

So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, put myself through hell or deeply hurt a friend who has always been incredibly supportive of me?

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