Tomorrow is my long-awaited psychiatrist appointment and in typical Jenni style I’ve been flitting between different ideas and emotions about what tomorrow may bring.
Most of the day I’ve been telling myself I’m fine “it’s all in your head, you’re making it up” (no pun intended) but as ever my has shifted at lightening speed several times (currently sitting at epically miserable) which apparently is “not normal at all” according to my GP. I’ve always done it so I just figured that everyone else goes from sky-high to rock bottom in literally seconds!
The last few days my mood has flitted between calm and depressed – further adding to me wondering whether I am bipolar or just common or garden depressed or a massive hypochondriac!
I guess I know there’s something not quite right with me, the mood flipping, the self-harming (yes people over the age of 14 do still do it! Guess I’m “Down with da kids”), the deep, deep black moods and the ridiculously buzzy energetic moods, the massive anxiety I have especially over Helen & the bunnies’ wellbeings. But what it is is anyone’s guess.
Yesterday was a year since my Grandad’s funeral and I remember the vicar reading out a euology that Mum had written and one of the last sentences was “Dad was so happy that Jenni was beginning to enjoy life again” so not only am I wrecking the lives of Helen and my family now, I’m also a shame to my Grandad’s memory.
I’ll say again that amongst all this I know how INCREDIBLY lucky I am, I have an amazing family, a wonderful best friend in Helen and lovely friend in Emma, two beautiful bunnies (even if they haven’t forgiven me for taking them for their jabs on Saturday yet) and lots of other people who care about me and even the complete strangers who’ve left such lovely and supportive comments on my blog.
So by this time tomorrow I’ll have some idea of the way forward …….
Ps yes Helen the title is a quote from Alexander, gotta love Ancient Greece :p
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