So I had my appointment with the Psychiatrist today. I saw him for a mere 20 minutes and he barely asked me any in Depth questions at all. It was almost as if he had already made up his mind about me just from looking at my notes.

He barely even looked at the information I’d printed out with all the symptoms I had matching Bipolar disorder – and pretty much told me it was impossible for me to have it which is some relief.

I was basically told I’m ‘over-anxious’ my depression “isn’t that bad” (whilst I appreciate as a psychiatrist he will see people far worse off than me I don’t appreciate being told that my thoughts of suicide and my self-harm ‘aren’t that bad’), I have “adjustment issues” and problems fitting into society.

Then to add insult to injury he commented that I was “weighty” which I am but what he didn’t know was that I had dropped 20 kilos in just over a year (from being on anti-depressants that made me balloon) – whilst I have put weight back on (I’m 80 kilos and 5ft 5 so pretty chunky) I now feel all the effort to lose the rest of my weight was for nothing.

I was almost given the impression I was wasting his time and worrying over nothing. I kind of think that at least if I had something concrete wrong with me it would be something to work on, whereas this actually leaves me floundering with no idea of where to go next. I have new Anti-Depressants to try (my 4th set now – I’m going to start keeping a tally), despite me telling him that the last two sets have made me go loopier. Stronger anxiety pills which say in the paperwork have the possibility of making depression worse.

So really all I got out of today is that I’m a fat hypochondriac, thanks a fucking bunch doc!

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