Having yet another of my mini panic attacks (only the 3rd today which is pretty good going).
I can’t breathe, actually can’t! My chest is tightened up, my tummy is knotted and I’m shaking. I know that as soon as this attack (I never thought about them as being panic attacks before, I just thought they were being over-anxious, I thought panic attacks were major things when you black out and suchlike) is over I’ll have been tipped into my black hole of “not that bad” (cheers psychiatrist) depression.
I’m fed up with being plagued by these daily (and often nightly). I try to relax and think logically but it doesn’t happen! It’s like I’m permanently on alert 24/7 trying to sniff out problems on the horizon that haven’t happened yet.
It means I drive people mad fussing over them because I’ve imagined for some reason something is up with them or I’ve done something wrong. It’s exhausting. My body used to shut down and I’d often fall asleep after one of my bad attacks but I can’t even do that anymore.
I’m always scared of my loved ones being upset or hurt or ill in some way. I worry over the rabbits like there’s no tomorrow. I’m terrified about the wedding on Saturday and having to be sociable and put on a “everything’s fine” face.
There’s an amusing ‘Anxiety Girl’ cartoon on the internet that I’ve posted on this entry (I don’t know who it’s by so sadly I can’t credit them) with the tagline “able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound”. Sadly that Anxiety Girl is my life right now.
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